We have oleander growing on the fence of our neighborhood pool. What person decided that it was a good idea to plant a poisonous plant in a family neighborhood is beyond me, but I digress.

It only took 3 years, but today Radcliffe (today he will be called ‘Moron’) decided it was time to taste the oleander. Yep, my heart is still racing. When I asked him if he ate some, his answer was ‘I just swished some around in my mouth.’

Then, I was having a conversation with Theodore about some lofty future plans. Theodore says, ‘I know that will happen.’

Me: ‘Why do you say that?’

Theodore: ‘Because anytime you say you are going to do something, it happens.’

I like the way you think, son. Brainwashing complete.

As my husband was leaving to go to work tonight, Radcliffe tells him, ‘You’d be better off driving down the road with a hat hanging out the window asking people for money.’

Later, I asked Radcliffe if he wanted to take me on a date to dinner. Radcliffe: ‘Audrey, (mom is so not cool) even if you weren’t my mom, I wouldn’t take you on a date.’

I made him go eat with me anyway, and he tells me he wishes he could talk to God. I told him, ‘go for it, he’s listening.’

Radcliffe: ‘God, I really, really want you to start raining sausages. That way, I can just open my mouth and eat with no hands. This is my prayer to you.’

He’s about to learn a lesson in unanswered prayers.